"Childhood Social Skills for Successful Adulthood"

with Anna Flynn, M.D., Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist, Columbia St. Mary's

Posted: July 1, 2004

One of the hardest things about being a parent is seeing your child in pain and not being able to stop the hurt. Sometimes the pain is physical, and parents can take comfort in knowing that, in time, it will stop. But when the source of the hurt is another birthday party to which your child hasn’t been invited, or another would-be social engagement or promising friendship that ends in disappointment, it’s difficult to know how best to help.

The fact is that for some children, social skills don’t come naturally.

Although they want friends, and to fit in on the playground and in the classroom, they aren’t able to master the techniques to make that happen. They may be impulsive, quick to react emotionally, anxious or depressed, self-critical, or simply lack the confidence necessary to initiate and sustain friendships.

Anna Flynn, M.D., Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist, Columbia St. Mary's "Social skills group therapy will focus on skills that build friendships, self-confidence, problem-solving, and help children to identify and cope with feelings, the result being more effective communication."

New social skills program
If your child or teen falls into this category, the Behavioral Medicine Clinic at Columbia St. Mary’s can help. The Clinic is now forming Social Skills groups for elementary- and middle-school-age children who have difficulty making and keeping friends. They’re also working to develop similar groups for teens.

“Social skills is a developmental process, it’s not something that all children learn naturally, although all children have to practice social skills regularly,” Dr. Anna Flynn said. Dr. Flynn, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Columbia St. Mary’s, is on the team of therapists working to develop the new program.

The groups, which range in size from five to eight, are broken up by developmental stages and gender. There won’t be 15-year-old girls in a group with seven-year-old boys. But all the groups will tackle the same issues.

“Social skills group therapy will focus on skills that build friendships, self-confidence, problem-solving, and help children to identify and cope with feelings, the result being more effective communication,” Dr. Flynn said.

Dr. Flynn said that before being placed in groups, children – and their parents – will see a child therapist.

“The therapist will do an evaluation of the family and the child, and at that time a decision will be made about whether or not it’s appropriate for a child to be involved in a social skills group,” she said. “It may be more appropriate for the child to do individual work first and then progress to the group.”

Whether they participate in individual or group therapy, developing effective social skills is crucial.

“Children and adolescents need cognitive, physical and emotional skills in order to be successful adults,” Dr. Flynn said. “Children and adolescents who manage their emotions and have friends feel better about themselves.”

Importance of group therapy
Although there are several reasons the group therapy format is especially useful for helping develop and fine-tune social skills, Dr. Flynn said two were particularly important.

“Children learn that they’re not the only one with a problem,” she said, “and they are able to practice specific skills within the group.”

In addition to that practice, Dr. Flynn said the social skills groups provide a wide range of opportunities for their participants. They include the ability to practice interacting with others, discuss the effect a given nonverbal or verbal or message has on peers and the opportunity to communicate feelings and share experiences.

The end result, she said, is a child or teen with the communication skills necessary to succeed in a variety of situations.

“When you have the ability to start and maintain friendships,” she said, “you’ve acquired skills that are needed to succeed in life and social relationships.”

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