Children and Depression During the Holidays

with Anna Flynn, M.D., Psychiatrist, Columbia St. Mary’s

Last Updated: Dec. 1, 2003

Dr. Anna Flynn has an important message for parents who have a child suffering from depression. “Depression runs in families, and some children are more vulnerable to setbacks,” she said.

Dr. Flynn, a psychiatrist who treats children and adolescents at Columbia St. Mary’s, emphasized that depression can be a biological phenomena. There are many factors that contribute to the expression of depression, including environmental stressors, she said. Depression can occur in families where there is turmoil, as well as in families that provide emotional support.

Anna Flynn, M.D., Psychiatrist, Columbia St. Mary's "Be attuned to the fact that children in general benefit from rituals and tradition. Traditions help to shape their identity. Children need genuine and close relationships with caretakers and the holidays create opportunities to spend time together."

She has additional reassuring news, too. The holidays present an opportunity to spend time with a child and this boosts a child’s self-esteem.

“If a child has positive relationships with his or her family members, the holidays enhance the closeness that already exists,” she said. “If the holidays are a reminder of what the child has lost, then the holidays can be more stressful. It would behoove the parent or caretaker to be sensitive to what the child is experiencing.”

Children and depression
“The holidays can make depression better, or they can make it worse, depending on the circumstances the child is in,” Dr. Flynn said.

Depression in adults does not always look the same as depression in children.

Depressed children may act withdrawn, engage in power struggles over small things they’re asked to do, pick fights at school and make self-deprecatory remarks. Other symptoms of depression in children include being irritable, hitting siblings, challenging authority, getting lower grades and complaining of aches and pains.

Children exhibiting these symptoms should be evaluated by their family doctor or referred to a therapist.

Keeping holidays positive
Regardless of your family situation – whether you’re a single parent who has your children year-round, a non-custodial parent who will be spending time with your children this holiday season, or dealing with any other difficult or non-traditional situation, you can make your child’s (and your) holiday season a positive one.

If you’re an adult who has a tough time during the holidays, do your best to keep your own demons at bay. In addition to helping your children, it might even give you a fresh perspective on the season.

“Parents and caretakers are the models for their children, and if the holidays are stressful for them, the children pick up on it,” Dr. Flynn said.

Her advice for the caretakers of depressed children is simple, and costs nothing. “As much as possible during the holidays,” Dr. Flynn said, “use the holidays as a time for intimacy.”

What that means, she said, is spending time with your children. It does not mean buying a vanload of presents you can’t afford.

“Our culture can place too much emphasis on materialism, and the reality is that vulnerable children heal when they have close and genuine relationships. Material items can’t substitute for emotional closeness,” she explained.

Importance of holiday rituals
So, what to do? As a first step, Dr. Flynn recommended thinking about the existing rituals in your family that involve spending intimate time with your children. And if you don’t have any, create them, she suggested.

“Holidays have meaning, and they create symbols that children carry with them through adulthood,” she said. “Rituals are important for children. So plan and take advantage of the opportunity for intimate activities.”

Rituals can be as elaborate or simple as the family who creates them, she said. The important thing about a ritual is that it continues from year to year. So any time is a fine time to start what will, within a few years, become a family tradition.

Examples include spending a weekend afternoon making cookies together, hanging decorations or participating in any activities that express the cultural or religious beliefs of the family.

In addition, Dr. Flynn said, all children need routine. Depressed children are more vulnerable, and therefore, more sensitive to changes in routine.

“A child who’s depressed has special needs. Be sensitive to their schedule, to what they’re accustomed to, and make the necessary accommodations,” she said. “As a general rule, kids need structure, consistency and attention.” Attention, she added, which cannot be provided in the form of toys or other material goods.

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